A dark and twisted revisiting of Alice in Wonderland is in the movie theaters again and it is timely. I feel much like her when I read the privacy policies that keep appearing in my mailbox.

First of all, “privacy policy” is a misnomer. To me, that implies a company plans to ensure my privacy, not violate it. They should be renamed “blabbing” policies because apparently financial institutions can’t stop themselves from sharing everything they learn about you. In addition to mysterious sharing with “affiliated” and “non-affiliated companies”—if they share with both doesn’t that mean basically share with absolutely everyone? —they are getting even more creative in the age of online surveillance.

My Saks Fifth Avenue account takes this to a new level by suggesting that they are watching me, analyzing my actions and sharing their analysis to serve me. Here’s how they express it: “to help us learn which products, services and sections of our websites interest you, and to improve your experience, we may use ‘cookies.’ Cookies are small files that our web server places on your hard drive to track activity on the website during a browsing session, and across multiple sessions…”

It is no accident I am sure that they use a pleasant name like “cookies” instead of “bloody footprints.” Leaving a trail of crumbs in my wake sounds less alarming than spewing DNA evidence. Imagine if this practice were occurring when you shopped in bricks and mortar Saks Fifth Avenue stores. They would interrogate you at the door to find out your identity, place helmet on your head with eye tracking software, slip on gloves with sensors to monitor everything you touched and do a full body scan to record your measurements.

I can’t help but see the grinning Cheshire cat peering over my shoulder as I open my mail and I am tempted to quote from the Queen of Hearts—“off with their heads.”

Irene Etzkorn is the executive director, simplification for the Siegel+Gale New York office.